Thoughts Throw Up
In case you’re wondering what’s going on in this crazy head of mine at any given moment, here it is:
Wow. I’m hungry but my acid reflux… probably shouldn’t eat much. I wonder if Baby Girl will come today… oh the pain… I can’t think about it. It’s nothing like what Jesus had to go through, I should suck it up and stop sinning by worrying. I suck.
Hmmm… I still need to return those curtains to amazon and sell this, this, and that. Oh and either have that yard sale (darn weekend rain forecast) or donate it. I need my garage cleared of all that junk so I can spray paint the front porch table black. Oh I need to get the carseats installed still and pick up that changing table. I wonder if this will get done before baby girl arrives.
Oh no Eli is still struggling with his pooh issues… when will he get better?
Okay, so now the garden is “planted” but will it grow? Will the wild squirrels and neighbors’ dogs attack it? Is that compost mound actually working or are we creating a health hazard? Gosh, there are a lot of weeds in my yard… those poor people that sold us this house had no idea we would ruin their landscaping so quickly.
Gosh, I’m tired but Justice still won’t nap. I need to do some laundry and clean out the interior of the car anyway. And the floors… need scrubbed and vacuumed again… and spot cleaned… along with the coffee stain from two days ago that I have let sit and stink in the couch.
Lord, please oh please give me strength. I acknowledge I am living the high life… I can’t imagine what mothers in third world countries are thinking right now… gotta go to the well and get water… not, will we homeschool? Will we have more kids? Will we ever adopt? How will we afford this house and kids if I don’t go back to work in a few years? Kids are expensive. Will we ever afford to travel again?
UGH BRAIN! THIS IS WHY SLEEP ELUDES ME!
A few things…
Your baby girl might have hair if you are having acid reflux. You don’t suck. Labor is hard but He is with you. He has given you given you an attentive husband, experience, and wonderful hormones. It is ok not to be excited about labor. It’s not on my top ten favorite activities. Sucking it up is not an option but surrendering it to the one who loves you more than anyone ever is. Anxiety is not overcome by ourselves but by His great love. Make Don clean the garage and install carseats. The table will live without paint. I hope Eli gets rid of the poop issues soon. I learned from planning my own garden that God is more interested in the process than I am and it is Him who makes things grow. Squirrels are awesome! Perhaps compost is a health hazard but it is also a good experiment. Nesting hormones are reporting live from Jill Dudley and that is wonderful. You can’t compare. You are not in a third world country you are in a place where comfort so easily lulls people to sleep. That said, it comes with all kinds of trials that are very real and very different. You probably will have more kids or not. Do you want to adopt? if so, you will. We have no idea what tomorrow brings but he is caring for us now and forever. I pray about traveling all the time too. I am so happy this anxiety is coming out because He is taking care of it and you and Eli and Don and Abby and J. You can’t do these things without His Spirit. So, I love you and think you are a wonderful wife and mother because you love Jesus! MORE OF YOUR SPIRIT LORD JESUS!!!!
Thanks, Sarah! I’m looking forward to having you at the birth… praying and helping me focus on Jesus and the joyful gift He is giving me (Ms. Abigail)!